Did you ever notice that when you go to buy a car, every single side of it is covered with advertisements? From the decorative chrome hood ornament of the car manufacturer, to the rubber relief tire logo, to the silk-screened decorative license plate holder promoting the auto-dealer that sold you the car, you’re literally driving a billboard around town.

In my honest opinion, you should be able to request a discount for the vehicle for every logo that’s emblazoned on your purchase, because you’ve just become their accidental advertising medium. “Let’s see, that’s $4,000 for the auto manufacturer make and model, $1,500 for the tire dealer, $750 for the license plates…I’m no Dale Earnhardt, but I’d like a little sumpin’-sumpin’ for my endorsements too. Gimmie $6,250 off this purchase in order to endorse your products.” “But wait,” they’d say. “You’ve already received the discount in the fine package price we provided when you expressed interest in buying this quality vehicle.” “No, sir, I certainly did not. Kelly’s Blue Book doesn’t mention the value of the car with and without this free advertising, so I’ll presume it was not included.”

On the reverse side, you could request that they remove all branding from the car you’d like to purchase and even guarantee that you’d buy it once the decals and ornaments were removed, but they may come back and say “Sir, your car is brand-free. Unfortunately, we’ll need to charge you $550 for the labor, and $6,250 must be added on top, because you’ve waived our advertising discount.”

The same is true for everything. From the Nike® shoes you wear to jog around the reservoir, to the freebie umbrellas at tradeshows glorifying Citibank®. Fellow joggers are reading your sneakers and people pay top dollar for NYC public advertising. According to Adweek, Catherine Zeta-Jones was paid $20 Million for her endorsement of T-Mobile. Nicole Kidman got a whopping $12 Million to endorse Chanel. And for the most part, their endorsements don’t work. You’re not getting a cent for your endorsements. Isn’t there a problem with that?

If you’re doomed to become an accidental advertising medium, the least you can do is carry a disclaimer so you’re not held liable for false advertising. The way I see it, if your new Steve Madden kicks were sewn in a Singapore sweatshop, a disclaimer can help you plea ignorance and get off scott-free, reputation untarnished. If you’re doing their dirty-work, you shouldn’t be left as a scapegoat.

This is why I’ve put together a nice little “Consumer/Accidental Advertising Medium Disclaimer” for all my lovely readers, riddled with legalese and technobabble (verbiage here) so that you can proudly keep promoting brands without suffering the consequences. Hell, if they won’t remove the ads from your car, who says you can’t add a few of your own.

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*Consumer/Accidental Advertising Medium Disclaimer At the time of this product’s purchase and/or provision, I was not given the opportunity of removing the advertising, logo or branding from visibility to the public. While I do intend to use this product, and its use may inadvertantly make the product’s advertising, logo or branding visible to the public, I do not, nor will not, support, condone or promote the product and, furthermore, do not testify, ensure, swear, attest or promise any claims made by the advertising, logo or branding thereon. Additionally, as a consumer and accidental advertising medium for this product, I provide the following disclaimer. I have no knowledge of the origin of this product or the conditions of the laborers who created it. I have no knowledge of the origin of the advertising, logo or branding on this product, the products and/or services they offer, the quality of the products and/or services they offer, the conditions endured by the laborers of the product and/or services they offer, international, national and/or state domestic and/or foreign trade laws that may be breached by using the products and/or services they offer, violations to OSHA, Free Trade Agreement, NATO, SEATO, EOE or AA standards based on the employment of the laborers that provide the products and/or services offered. While I do not condone sweatshop labor, unfair working conditions, exporting work to foreign companies thus denying domestic workers jobs to feed families and stimulate local economies, selling shoddy products or tricking consumers into advertising their products and/or services by forcing them to accidentally advertise said products and/or services on this product, I have no choice but to continue to use this product with this disclaimer. Finally, I was not notified if any animals were hurt in the creation and/or distribution of this product and, while I hope they weren’t, cannot assume responsibility for harsh treatment.